“emotional intelligence is probably the most powerful yet undervalued trait in our society”
I recently read an essay that listed “10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People do not Do”. Reading through the list felt familiar, as if these were ideals I felt I had within myself. Or at least traits I wanted to have? A mix of both still means I am somewhat emotionally intelligent right? I would like to think so.
In general, I know I am capable of looking at things logically while still staying true to and respecting my emotions.
I’ve gone through different phases growing up where I steered more towards one side or the other. After my mom passed away I had a few years where I naturally veered towards logic rather than feeling any emotion. This numbness wasn’t so much of a choice but something that just happened. In my intense search for rationality I became more robotic, more cold. So aggressively neutral. On the other hand, the past two years I have had a massive shift towards the more emotional side of myself. I cry so easily, whether its from watching a sunset or my walks at Domino Park or just the joy of seeing my sister over facetime. I’m opinionated, I get jealous, I get frantic, I feel overwhelming happiness and gratitude.
I would continue to choose this rollercoaster over what I had before, but now I’m finding the right balance of respecting both the logical and emotional sides of myself.
Finding that balance has made me a better friend, sister, overall person to the people around me. It has made me more empathetic. When someone comes to me for advice, I can approach with logic but be able to understand that it’s never that easy. I’ve learned that gut feelings and instinct carry logic in themselves. It helps me look at myself and my “problems” more holistically.
Here are some points from the essay that stood out to me:
1.“They recognize their emotions as responses, not accurate gauges, of what’s going on.”
Emotions must be acknowledged, but that doesn’t mean they are accurate to the situation. They are responses according to our own context, ideals, past experiences. We all have our sensitive points, and to be aware of them makes you more in control of your decisions and actions.
2. “They don’t assume to know what it is that will make them truly happy.”
Our only frame of reference when living our lives is what has happened in the past, but we must remain open to what the universe has for us. I can’t assume to know what form happiness will come in, but I know that it will come because I’m aware of and willing to look for the good and bad in everything.
3. “The presence of indifference is a sign you’re on the wrong path.”
Fear does not mean that you are going down the wrong path, but rather that you are pushing past your known beliefs, preconceptions, and perspectives that have gotten in the way. Don’t continue treating them as blocks, if anything they “are being called up to be healed”. A friend once told me that the line between excited and scared is the best place to be. Indifference is a call to action.
4. “Happiness is a choice, but they don’t feel the need to make it all the time.”
Consistent, nonstop, eternal joy is an illusion. And that’s ok. The rollercoaster is essential to the human experience, and the ones emotionally intelligent enough are willing to accept it. More than that, they don’t resist it.
Which leads me to…
5. “They don’t confuse a bad feeling for a bad life.”
This is a big one, and one of my truest beliefs. The present is not necessarily the future. I refuse to let myself be defined by my bad days, but at the same time I must let them flow through me and accept that even in my happiest moments in life, the bad days or moments can still come. I’ll take them, I won’t resist them. I’ll respect them. It’s what makes me human. “It’s in this non-resistance that they find the most peace of all.”
As with most things in life, emotional intelligence is something I know I’ll never really stop working on.
There is always more to learn and grow and heal. But I know to make it a priority. Its something I will continue carrying and developing, because it makes me feel closer to my most genuine self. That connection allows me to trust that I can take on whatever comes next.
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