last sunday i spent the afternoon with a friend in queens. trudging from the G to the 7 to the N, i met her by a chase bank on the underside of the Ditmars Blvd stop, the last stop on the N/W train.
we stopped by her friends restaurant opening, got some gelato (dark chocolate and pistachio of course), and enjoyed our treat as we walked to the park along the water, taking in the sunset. we talked all things — our love for living alone and for blondish and for our respective “barrios” and for summer gelatos, etc. etc. etc.
at one point we walked by a racetrack, where i was thinking nothing of it until she told me the story of how during the pandemic she ran a full marathon at this very racetrack. 106 laps. she spoke about which of her friends came to see her, how gloomy the weather was, what laps she felt she couldn’t finish, what songs she listened to. all i could think is who the fuck would be crazy enough to run a whole marathon in circles!
this particular piece of land meant to so much to her, yet nothing to me. such a significant, difficult, amazing accomplishment was achieved here by a friend i love so much, but i couldve walked right by not thinking anything of it.
i felt so small, as if all this life is happening at a distance. all these stories and difficulties and relationships, most of which ill never truly know. this idea is nothing new — that everyone around you is living full deep lives, ones just as deep and complicated as yours. in this case it made me sad to not have been there to see my friends moment, but also made me more curious about her.
i may not have the power or time or energy to know the story of everyone around me at this park, but i have the privilege to know this girl right next to me, someone that i havent known for long but has become family. a soul sister. how lucky am i to have insight into what she goes through and how she thinks, and in that way learn more about myself and reflect on my own beliefs through hers.
my circle doesnt have to be large, but it can be deep. why not be open and empathetic and vulnerable to those i let in, and why not want to listen and support and encourage the vulnerability of those around me.
the archines side of me also marveled at the magic of context in the physical sense. inhabiting that space, my friend was surrounded with feelings of pride. magic exists on that racetrack. where does magic exist for me in this world? where does darkness?
theres darkness in LA, but theres also gold in the malibu canyons of my favorite hikes, gold on sunset blvd snaking through silverlake, gold on some corners of downtown. theres darkness in miami, but theres gold in the residential streets i became a runner (using that term lightly lol), gold in the leparc balcony, gold at eagle room where i danced so many nights.
i saved this quote from a book i recently read: “places are kingdoms of memories and relationships; the landscape is only ever a reflection of how you feel inside”. ive conquered all these kingdoms and within their own crevices ive created moments of darkness and light that mean nothing to others, but mean so much to me. i have so many stories that are tied not just to eras and memories, but to physical places. some of these stories others have experienced with me, and some ive experienced alone.
ultimately my feelings living in these different cities is made up of the relationships and and memories i have in them. its incredible to be so affected by your physical surroundings — the kingdoms we inhabit. its magic and its deep and its sad and its intense.
currently channeling:
