i want to keep this short… and ill try to be sweet. mostly for my sake, im really too tough on myself sometimes.
maybe one day ill actually tell people i write these posts. but since today is not the day, lets get personal (lol if anything all these posts have been nothing but extremely personal)
this week was unfortunately filled with negative/toxic thinking and behaviors. it happens, but i feel guilty. weak. one bad day became one bad week.
in effort to be transparent…
→ i lost focus at work while working on some personal projects, causing me to lose some confidence professionally. thats really not helpful considering my job is whats actually allowing me to be in miami and explore next steps. i dont want to perform worse at the position that is giving me stability just because im looking for other opportunities.
→ i spent too much time checking in on someone i miss. having so much love and nowhere to put it sucks. reliving memories and midday cry sessions suck. i feel guilty to still be struggling this much. no matter how strong i thought i was, one moment can trigger me and make me feel incredibly weak. (that trigger being my last post, so… self sabotage)
→ i let myself sink into negative thoughts of the future and my potential. the dark cloud rolled in, and i gave it room to stay. i gave in and didnt fight back, even though i know im stronger than that. being positive can get tiring and i crumbled. and now im left with fear of another wave hitting me again.
all things combined turned into a dark week. i felt out of control with my emotions, and most of them negative.
so how can i turn things around coming into this new week?
the best thing i can do right now is forgive my steps backwards, while i keep my eyes forward.
continueing this way is simply a disservice to myself and my journey. yes, i constantly compare myself to other people, definitely my biggest character flaw thats followed me the past 26 years. im still far from where i want to be, but i am getting better.
so here is some advice to myself.
(whoever is reading this, sup. enjoy this glimpse into pinis internal monologue)
the journey you’re on to grow and absorb and define your life’s principles is incredible (will post those eventually ☻). youre reading and writing more than ever. reflecting and strengthening your friendship with yourself. youre killin it. BUT at some point, those principles need to be implemented through actions. emotional maturity and self awareness is great, but whats the point of harnessing that knowledge if you dont DO something with it?
take a step back and focus on appreciating your personal timeline.
quick takeaways: ultimately its better to know you are going down the right path rather than the easy path. take actions for yourself, rather than for the sake of how they are perceived by others. you are the only one living your life 24/7, so you might as well try to have a good time! make the most of your resources, both internally + externally.
so… lets focus on:
1. less ego, more connection
make the most of your relationships, professional and personal. with good intentions and kindness, you will get the help and support you are looking for if you just ask. sometimes the most valuable information comes from the experience of others. its ok to ask for help. you dont know everything, but you do know who to reach out to.
2. less talk, more do
long term goals are just a series of small goals that are formed out of daily habits. define the big idea and plan how to get there. schedule actions until they become habits! the bigger moments will come, but theres beauty in the build up!!! find pride in the moments small and large. your time will come.
3. less worry, more gratitude
be present. appreciate what you have right now. where are you? feel your own presence. absorb what is being offered. forget what’s missing, what do you have going for you at this moment? theres so much that makes you, you. so lets make the most out of all that you are!
“your direction is more important than your speed”
ok so this wasnt as short as i intended. but now for something a bit more sweet →
listen to the words you always tell others: be kind to yourself. have self compassion. your inner voice is so strong. you are intelligent and you know what you want. you are ok. you are doing great. i love you!!!